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It takes a bit of concentration/practice, but during a meeting last week I used the bottle several times in the space of an hour without any chirping.

what do you think about putting a little graphic up and a “sign” that says “Under Construction”? Something that looks like a little cartoon perhaps?

salmonella
oops, ha. meant to google that.

the chaos is terrified by the gleam of agenda in my eye.

I guess what I’m saying is that some people hold their religion close to the vest, and some wear it like a giant foam cowboy hat.

my lawnmower broke. So now I don’t have to mow the lawn anymore.

Help me name my socks.

Aqua. Easily the best band to come out of Europe, in the ’90s, named after a liquid.

Power corrupts. Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.

There are worse things this administration might have done. And we will eventually discover that they did them all.

July 2008
It takes a bit of concentration/practice
June 2008
oh Dear God.
salmonella
May 2008
the chaos is terrified by the gleam of agenda in my eye.
April 2008
giant foam cowboy hat
my lawnmower broke.
Help me name my socks.
Aqua. Easily the best band to come out of Europe, in the '90s, named after a liquid.
March 2008
Power corrupts. Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.
There are worse things this administration might have done.
February 2008
it looks like you just watch hairy dirt dudes run around with wooly mammoths
Welcome to the Information Age. Please RTFM.
my blog was more fun when i was less boring
On June 31st, they are PEAS FROM THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!!! [cue Theremin]
I think Lemurs are the cutest little drug addicts ever.
January 2008
rats in tanks SAVING MONEY!
When given the choice between Option A and Option B, real freedom comes from creating Option C.
Carrots are making my head feel tight. Grr.
Hope life is going as well for you as you deserve
couldn't get back to sleep this morning so i joined facebook
oooh, my kit kat bar just called me a cutie pie!
I realize rocks are not magic.
December 2007
It's like emo-yodeling.
I guarantee by Christmas Day
November 2007
Cheerleaders don't kill Vampires
and a lawyer
October 2007
When you are carrying human body parts
Elaine Stritch
I have a lot of good memories tied to this song
busey only
Challenge anyone not wearing a badge!
there is no FU in Security
I'll never eat cool whip again.
The whole show looks like it was airbrushed on a unicorn.
September 2007
She's a really nice lady, but she has a boss, and her boss has a thumb...
That isn't part of the foreplay process but it is still very important.
His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.
when in RedVinestan, eat as the RedVinestans do.
August 2007
I’m just alerting you to save you from embarrassing peach nose juice. Cause I care.
i could be curing cancer, but NO! i know these lyrics. well played, brain.
Geeks can't admit that anything worthwhile was invented before 1981. Soon, "making cocoa" will be called "milk hacking."
Never name a cat Loki, okay? Just... don't.
When I say "no cheese"
At this point, it's like nailing Jell-O.
Screening is overbooked to ensure capacity.
I am unemployed.
July 2007
apparently I can't learn with pants on
Tuesday? Hah!
eee
June 2007
Yesterday it was houseplants, pictures, and a smattering of swords.
Milk would come out of my nose, even if I was not drinking milk at the time.
IF ANYBODY WANTS ME I'LL BE IN THE PARK WATCHING THE STATUES.
Sure, there's a learning curve, but it's pointed downward.
Thanks, everyone, for the good wishes, lunch, and knives!
Soft-start for slow turn-on
May 2007
Not tinnitus, I have an earache.
I'm the greates xhtmler EVA!
rotating plastic globe with a built-in sifting mechanism
lolcats ate my grammar. :(
your mom's extra functionality weighs her down
my mother the artist
Chuck Berry
April 2007
Let's now begin a 45 minute brainstorm on how we can end this meeting quickly.
I can type about 75 wpm.
This is cool if you are into gore (horror gore, not the ex VP)...
I sanction contronyms.
And then I died from the cuteness, so now I am late for work.
Presumably, effective immediately, basically.
basically, they don't give the same craps i do
Not reading this is absolutely free.
If you're wearing another color, you'd have to read someone else's book.
You have not read the entire internet
Disclaimer: This is NOT an April Fool's Day post!
March 2007
Click Ok then you should see this sweet confirmation message
I don't think Starbuck is the fifth
I want a thick, goofy, rounded font named Horatio Sans.
Today I am adding the usual 6 files, plus a 7th to show where the 6 files go.
February 2007
This is the punishment for doing really good work.
I made an error/typo in my email about a possible error/typo.
500 jars
If you don't hate the current tool, there's something wrong with you.
I'm going to be very open and honest with you. Something is going on that I cannot talk to you about.
I am oftentimes pleased by the appearance and smell of meat.
I could Twitter that I'm watching Lost, but that would be as obvious as Twittering that I'm breathing.
here's the joke! it's flying -- here's your head
I like to learn. Even if it's sort of gross.
I'm not questioning it, I'm just saying, "Why?"
I don't remember exactly what I said but I said that exact thing.
January 2007
he's like a schoolgirl with a crush now, it's pretty lol
you need to talk about poop a little so we can have a positive work environment
why buy Apple?
yeah, I couldn't find her actually smelling her armpits, so I settled
garrett, i didn't wake up wearing pants
December 2006
We just kept going up in price until we found one that didn't catch on fire.
He seems all right, but I don't know who all he's married to.
Halloween
Stuck in a series of YouTubes.
10 songs
i'll bet sharepoint had to go to the prom with her dad
So, like Jews for Jesus, but for blogging?
they do stuff with each other that involves potassium or whatever
also cupcakes prevent killing.
clients assume that "Senior Dev" means the guy who first shows up
November 2006
Tell me about it. Disney had my family killed.
Yay, we should all go outside and build a sleetman.
wintry mix = weather 2.0 mashup
If this was true, I would hug him and then go have myself degreased.
You can get a lot of mileage out of a car metaphor
Yeah, but he's a butt, and butts are funny, but the show was not!
we will have add new vowels to the language
it's going slowly
I'll just put this over here, with the rest of the fire.
A yummy tradition!!
Bowling for Soup
what if i dont want to play with her marbles
If it's filled with something, I'm gonna be livid.
So give each other a hug.
you are tired of your cat
October 2006
Even though I heard the mechanical tiger
wow, won the lottery and hit by a bus all in the same day
I don't know that it's that bad when you get it in the nose.
Then I'd call it something like "Freedom Vanilla."
It's like being stalked by a lazy vampire.
The huge head is on the tan horse.
Go, be thou rocked, enjoy.
yo momma uses marquee to announce her prices.
September 2006
15 painted cards from a vampire idiot.
I cannot count or even separate the distinct flavors of greatness
I just mocked in my mouth a little.
It's caramel and I don't have a girlfriend.
Judah and Buddha are not mutually exclusive.
Probably none of us has ever encoded our music into the WMA format, but most of our cousins have.
Poor Dave Thomas
clown college painting
this is my favorite quote ever
is it a cult?
I should say not, dear fellow.
The new roommates are dirty, lazy drunks -- and I love them.
BTW, mail is down.
it rolls off the tongue like rubber cement slides off fingers
These zombies are so horny!
shrimp pasta
August 2006
I'm engaging the egregiousness of the act
When he says "jump," people say, "what trajectory?"
We apologize for a lack of photos on the Texas pages
Memorize this speech. Just in case.
lopez has a nice design but sucks content wise
The measurement of learning is surprise.
Who would win in a fight?
I am a vampire and
Three is the new four.
For me, driving cross-country is like one big screen saver.
who's a tool?
Technology is too important to be left up to technologists.
If your face hurts, I'm pretty sure you don't hold it right.
July 2006
With his mouth, or otherwise?
If you Windows-L me, so help me I will asterisk you.
oh snap + apple = snapple
Oh! It's squishy! This is gonna be awesome!
it's a rule.
woo, needles!
not just yet
CNN is always breaking news
Fun is dead. We're killing fun.
Like what, Emeril?
June 2006
the passive voice was grumbled about
I've just realized my laptop has 4 different http servers
I'm ambiPodextrous
speak of the devil and up he pops
Dogs are miracles with paws.
Why do I have a croissant?
humans on dragons throwing wolves at maggots
Why don't I go slip into something more Commodore 64...
I'm sprechen Chinese over here. I'm multicultural like that.
You ignore the claw.
and the veterinarian that had gone with him.
It looks like a "Jane used to get wasted here" kinda place.
May 2006
did your computer think you were flirting with it?
pb&c
Please welcome Tom Cwoooooooooooo
Mario Savio, in his Sproul Plaza speech
April 2006
Eat! Eat! Eat!
March 2006
817,972 ladies. that's ambition!
i installed rails on an abacus, biatch
I'm doing it as hard as I can.
I don't need some cookie on my ass
Nature abhors a vacuum. So does the bar.
The segue is in the middle
Does your water taste like butterscotch?
Double True!
i can barely find ill-fitting shoes
February 2006
The bastard!
taste the anguish
extrinsic awesomeness
ninja metal
I'm less wrong than they are.
Re: Rolling Stones at Halftime
this joke is LOST on me.
January 2006
Goodness is fragile
the bloody hell?
well, that depends...
what kind sweets?
vpn + mac = uh oh
December 2005
screwing up
bigfoot
November 2005
It was an honest mistake! I got my zombie mobs crossed.
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
i need to be more quotable
Seems to me that Coke is losing.
So, did your wife come back with any diseases?