Episode 1
And now, The Adventures of AverageMan!
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| I’m a white heterosexual male. |
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| Middle-class family, college education… |
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| Can’t complain, really. |
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| I’m not sure I’m even allowed to. |
22 September 2000
Episode 2
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Years before I went, my college was a party school. |
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| They announced proudly that the average SAT score for the Freshman class was 1030. |
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| That was my score. |
30 September 2000
Episode 3
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Kids on TV were talking about how expectations have changed. |
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| One said, “I’m computer literate and bilingual but so is everyone else…” |
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| I speak English. |
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| But I’m a huge net geek, so I figure it kinda evens out. |
7 October 2000
Episode 4
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| “And your name?” I asked. “Guess,” his girlfriend said. |
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| “There are only, like, 5,000 of them on campus,” she said. |
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| “Is it Brian?” I asked. She cheered. I sighed. |
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| At least my parents spelled it right. |
15 October 2000
Episode 5
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Denis Leary thinks I should like football, porno and books about war. |
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| I don’t so much like football or books about war. |
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| Maybe I should. |
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| Maybe then I wouldn’t have such a tremendous porn collection. |
22 October 2000
Episode 6
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| I try to keep the original traditions of Halloween in mind. |
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| You know, dress up as something scary to frighten away the ghosts and demons. |
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| Though I might just be trying to make up for my silly childhood costumes. |
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| One year I actually dressed as a camera. The year after, I was a beer can… |
28 October 2000
Episode 7
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Not surprisingly, I grew up in a suburb. |
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| We had two attractions: Dairy Queen and a bowling alley. |
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| Mostly we sat in each others’ basements and made our own fun. |
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| Chewing ice was popular, as I recall. |
4 November 2000
Coming this weekend: a very
Coming this weekend: a very special Floating Henry Rollins Head Haiku / AverageMan three-comic event!
15 November 2000
Episode 8
And now, part 3 of this weekend’s very special AverageMan / Floating Henry Rollins Head 4-comic event!
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| I never get sick. |
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| But when I do get sick, I get really sick. |
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| So I haven’t been conscious very often lately. |
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| Someone seems to have stolen my body. |
18 November 2000
Episode 9
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| I should introduce you to my kids sometime. |
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| Oh, yeah. I have children. |
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| 2.3 beautiful children. |
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| I’m just messin’ with ya. |
25 November 2000
Episode 10
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Coming from a multi-racial background can make a person a bit defensive. |
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| Add to that the fact that I’m female, and a lesbian… |
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| You can understand why I might have a bad attitude. |
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| God, I envy you. |
2 December 2000
Episode 11
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| People often ask if everything about me is average. |
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| I’ve been trying to avoid that question, but… |
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| I suppose “average” is more of an attitude. |
9 December 2000
Episode 11.5
And now, The Further Adventures of AverageMan!
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| I’m tired of being average. |
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| I want to be different… |
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| like everybody else I want to be like… |
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| I want to be just like all the different people. |
[Additional material by King Missile]
16 December 2000
Episode 12
AverageMan, The Lost Episodes!
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| Hi, my name is Bryan, |
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| and I like to dress casually. |
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| I’m just not very good at it. |
24 April 2001
Episode 13
And now the further adventures of AverageMan!
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| Eli Whitney. |
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| That’s who invented the cotton gin. |
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| I will know that until the day I die. |
26 April 2001
Episode 14
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Mom, the kids at school keep picking on me. |
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| Oh, honey, they’re just jealous. |
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| You wanna bet? |
14 May 2001
Episode 15
AverageMan, The Lost Episodes!
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| Here’s what I’ve learned about women: |
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| They smell nice. |
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| They’re soft. |
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| I understand even less about men. |
16 May 2001
Episode 16
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| I’ve decided I’m not going to watch TV for a month! |
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| That’s nice, dear. |
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| You’re not impressed, huh? |
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| I didn’t watch TV for eighteen years. |
1 June 2001
Episode 17
AverageMan, The Lost Episodes!
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| They call me White Devil |
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| Black Jebus |
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| Heaben clobes |
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| Hell freebes. |
Material supplied by Everlast and Danelope.
12 June 2001
Episode 18
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| There should be a children’s day to go along with Mother’s and Father’s Day |
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| Children have their day every other day of the year. |
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| I’ll be expecting a card tomorrow. |
17 June 2001
Episode 19
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Damn, that Bea Arthur is an ugly woman. |
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| Bea Arthur is a very handsome woman. |
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| The two are not mutually exclusive. |
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| That’s it, no more dictionary for you. |
13 November 2002
Episode 20
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| You about ready to go? |
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| I was born ready. |
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| But then you put me in school. |
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| And I got distracted. |
26 November 2002
Episode 22
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| How was school, dear? |
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| It was Millennium Falcon. |
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| What’s for Millennium Falcon tonight? |
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| I don’t suppose you have a Christmas list all ready? |
6 December 2002
Episode 23
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| You gotta get me the new Sectaur! |
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| I don’t gotta do nothin’. |
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| Then I don’t gotta go to school tomorrow. |
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| Oh, yes you do. |
15 December 2002
Episode 24
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Mom, Bryan was watching “Naked Ladies on the Moon” last night! |
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| No! It was “Amazon Women on the Moon”! |
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| It’s a satire! |
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| Mom, he was watching a satire! |
20 December 2002
Episode 25
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Did you know that SCUBA is an acronym? |
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| Oh yeah? So is ADIDAS. |
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| It stands for All Day I Dream About Sex |
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| The lady taught me all about impotence, too. |
11 January 2003
Episode 26
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Put on a sweater, honey, you’re making me cold. |
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22 February 2003
Episode 27
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| Happy Belated Mother’s Day! Want me to make you some pancakes? |
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| Thank you, honey. That would be nice. |
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| Would you mind showing me how? |
12 May 2003
Episode 28
AverageMan, The Early Years!
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| I want to have eyes like Inspector Gadget. |
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| You know, like with built-in telescopes. |
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| Wouldn’t we all. |
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| Don’t doubt my conviction, woman! |
17 July 2003
Episode 29
And now, The Adventures of AverageMan!
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| Let’s see… how did it go. |
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| Oh, right. How could I forget. |
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| Kingdom phylum class order family genus species. |
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| Yep, that’s come in real handy over the years. |
13 September 2003
Episode 30
And now, The Adventures of AverageMan!
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| It disgusts a lot of people to think of their parents’ love lives.. |
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| As far as I can recall, I always encouraged their affection for each other. |
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| Except when they kept me up at night. |
25 October 2003
